I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish you could order shots online.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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