I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
