Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
