we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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