I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
