I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
