i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
