Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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