mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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