Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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