can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
