Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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