My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
