after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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