Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize