i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
