he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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