I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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