i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
