she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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