i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
