Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
