I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
