What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
