You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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