You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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