the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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