Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
