Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
