There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
