Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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