The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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