First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Everclear isn't food dammit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
