Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
