No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
