remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
