I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We need to get me chipped asap
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