Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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