Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
