On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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