and i looked up. we had an audience...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
