Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
