and i looked up. we had an audience...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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