Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
