remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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