He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
