mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
