Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
