Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
