saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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