I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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