College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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