thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love you. Go after that dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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