Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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