Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
