i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
