Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
