His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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