I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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