My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
