His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
