People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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