The maid of honor just puked.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
