everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
