..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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