i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
