that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
