your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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