time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
