I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
