So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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