your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
