I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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