So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize