im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
