Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
