If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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