Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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