sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize