just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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