i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
