Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
two words: eviction party
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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