Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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