Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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