My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
