Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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