His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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