that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
