Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
