I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
