I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
