oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Semen is not good for contacts.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize