i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
