I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
